An Original...

An original painting, a book about a doctor that prescribes cats instead of medication, and a beautiful bunch of flowers. 

Absolutely perfect gifts as I set off for another lap around the sun.

Reflecting on the the past year wasn't something that I wanted to dwell on, because the past year hasn't been fun! 

Battling depression, illness, issues at work and social isolation to name but a few of the challenges I faced.  It got to the point where I was so weary of placing one foot in front of the other, that I was merely surviving. There was absolutely no joy. I tried to keep my blog going, but my heart and soul wasn't really in it. I only realise that now, because passion and joy are now returning. 

There was a procession of hiccups that just kept on coming. 

 Life was simply too much. 

Then the accident where I injured my back was the last straw, or so I thought. 

I had another health challenge that seriously scared me. 

And strangely enough this was a turning point.

However, I didn't realise that at the time!

It was so confronting that I think it shocked me out of the slump I was in. 

And suddenly I began to noticed that things began shifting. 

Tiny moments of magic.

In a miraculous synchronistic kind of way. 

The way my life used to be, many many years ago, before I moved up the this little cottage snuggled in the hills. 

I had not realised how much  my life had changed, as over the 12 years that I have been here I have begun to get to the bottom of what made me who I am. 

The nitty gritty gruesome stuff that was lying under the surface. 

The baggage that I carted around.

I tried all sorts of healing techniques, actually, I don't think that there is any modality I haven't tried. And although some may have had short term benefits, I was still making stupid choices attempting to fit into society, to feel wanted and connected. 

The thing that I needed more than ever was self acceptance and self love.

I had to find it within.

Not from anyone, or anything.

Around this time last year was when things really amped up and my body just wasn't going to keep going, by the end of last year, things were grim. 

I kept thinking that I needed to be grateful. Grateful to still be breathing, and working, even though each day was a battle, I was still upright. 

But up until a few weeks ago, I continually wondered why I was still here. 

Life was simply just too difficult. 

Weekends consisted of me shutting the gate on a Friday afternoon and hiding away with the kitty kids until I had to leave again Monday morning. 

But then the intimidating health scare happened. 

And in that split second, something shifted. 

Not in any tangible way. 

It was a knowing.

An awareness that I had made a conscious decision in that moment and declared it to the Universe.

And everything has began to slowly shift.

Suddenly I have completely let go of what was. 

And finally began to gently tread a new path. 

Slowly reacquainting myself with who I used to be. 

My body is going to need time to catch up, but there is definitely a shift as to what I am  allowing into my realm. 

A reconnection with photography, which is leading to reconnecting to my blog, because this blog shows my journey through life. 

What's its like being Gemel.

Of having the courage to start to voice myself way back in 2006, when the person I shared my life with at that point would criticise everything I wrote. Then in 2009 I began my solo chapters, which have been the hardest, in my whole life story. 

I am feeling really good to be celebrating myself and another year of living a human life.

 I have wiped the slate clean these past few months with people and situations, and I am now up for the challenge to get my body and soul balanced and activated once again. 

In the past few weeks there has definitely been a lot of changes slowly enveloping me, giving me a sense of purpose. 

The very few humans I now allow into my life are loving and supportive, and see me for who I am, they always have done. 

 Even in the darkest depths of my journey, they have been there.

They know who they are. 

And they know that I am grateful for each moment we have together...