Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Past Came.........

The past came calling this morning via an early morning phone call, a place that had not been visited in a long time, a very, very, long time.
In a different place, in what now seems a different life I was entangled in a world of violence, abuse, manipulation and instability, a place that although at the time was a harrowing experience, it was also these same horrendous times that enhanced my inner growth.
To be taken back if only for a moment to these raging tormented times was a deeply poignant encounter, one that has left me eternally grateful for the escape I made all those years ago.
Out of nowhere I knew that if I did not leave the life I was held captive by then the chances of me surviving were not good. All of a sudden one particular day I found the power to walk away, to say no I am not doing this any longer, I can say no.
Since then I have walked a long and extremely emotional road, one that has me where I am now, safe, free and happy, no longer living in fear of what each day would bring, of fresh injuries that I became expert at concealing, I hid so much, looking back though, there were people there to help, all I had to do was ask. But asking for help when you are terrified of what the repercussions would be preempts the outcome, I know the feelings of fists to skin far too well, it was easier to live in fear than to endure worse than I already was.
With the return of this energy this morning I seem to have made yet another profound step in my journey of life, something inside of me seems to have altered as I listened to the madness I was hearing, I have not been around this behaviour for many years and to be visited by it again was somewhat confronting, yet as I listened I knew that I was now safe. Nothing can harm me any longer, I will only be afraid if I give into the fear.
Fear is not something that I harbour within my life any more, I no longer need the familiar arms of brutality to encase me in its circle of destruction, it is no longer welcomed within my world. I dance to the rhythms of a gentler melody these days, and it appears that intimidation will not work any longer.
In days gone by I would have begun to become embroiled in the drama as it unfolded, not today however, I remained calm, detached and steadfast in my own radiant power, a inner store of core strength that has taken a long time to achieve, there was no way I was going to be thrown of course.
The universe weaves its web of synchronicity throughout our lives with great precision, and of this I was aware as this mornings play unfolded around me, there is always a unique and promising lesson in a moment of violence or madness, most of the time we don't see it as we are too caught up in the heat of the moment to view the gift as it is given, yet, there it was drifting in the atmosphere, hovering, waiting for that split second of recognition that will ignite its healing purpose.
Today I am proud to say I saw it, I felt it, I have done the hard work, now comes the passage to peace.............


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Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

Great post!

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

Its amazing how experiences like yours can really test what is going on. I don't think that I've changed that much but sometimes I get a call from somebody I knew decades ago and they seem really stuck to what they were back then and I'm a totally different person.

Great post.

Sarah Lulu said...

Aaaaaghhhhh yes the passage to peace. I feel you my soul sister ..we are on very much the same journey. Fellow pilgrims in different time and space.

Much love to you!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

That was a fabulous post, very inspirational. I am sure there are people who are still in this situation with no light at the end of the tunnel... your post proved there is.

Well don you :)

Cathy said...

Excellent words.