I Have Been...

I have been taking a little breather from life after a recent traumatic experience. 

Coming from a extremely violent and abusive background this situation prompted a PTSD response, which gave me no alternative than to stop.

I had thought I had done enough work to move through my early years and marriage, yet obviously I hadn't done enough. 

For years I ran from one disastrous relationship to another.

 I was broken and in a state of fight or flight for decades, desperately trying to find someone to fix everything. 

It wasn't until I came upon my magic cottage that healing finally began. This tiny little house was in a state of disrepair just as I was.

 Both of us were broken.

It's funny where life leads us, and looking back it's interesting viewing the choices I made when I was in a constant state of disconnection. So battered from the brutality of my life that I just wanted someone, anyone to save me, but no one was ever capable of doing that.

Years later I would realise that the only one who could save me, was myself. 

And the only way I could do that was to live alone. Living alone is confronting for a great majority of people, and I guess for a long while the thought of living on my own terrified me too. But I reached a point sixteen years ago when I knew without a doubt I had to leave the relationship I was in. 

Living alone has been such a boon for my soul, as living alone has been the sole reason for me finally finding inner peace.

The road had been rocky here and there as I worked on releasing the hooks from the past, those pesky nagging memories that dangled in a closet that truly needed to be tossed out for good. 

The past can only haunt us if we keep it alive by speaking about it or thinking about it. 

It can't hurt us anymore, we only hurt ourselves by becoming a victim to our own mind and narrative.

Understanding that and changing thought patterns didn't take as long as I thought it would. Really it's just like changing the channel on a television if you don't like the program.  I also have realised that without the events of the past, I wouldn't be who I am today. Each step has lead me here to a tiny little house surrounded by life. A private little sanctuary I have created over the past fourteen years.

I had cleared my mind and soul, yet I had stopped doing bodywork. This is why I had such a strong reaction to a recent situation. 

Thankfully, I have enough tools in my survival kit to ease the symptoms. 

I remembered learning the Emotional Freedom Technique years ago. 

Emotional Freedom Technique is an alternative therapy where one taps on the meridians whilst focusing on emotional or stress issues. It's extremely effective and involves no medication.

And after a conversation that reminded me about EFT I began tapping away this particular situation, until peace resides once again.

My body mind and soul are now peaceful once again...