Saturday, January 30, 2010

Last Night.............

Last night I had a long conversation about finding a new partner, not for me, but for the person I was with. Being freshly single is a shock to any of us, and as I relayed to my friend it takes time to adjust and to find yourself. Many of us are so insecure that the prospect of being alone scares us to death, and instead of taking time needed to work through the layers of emotions that snuggle securely within our heart, we often attach ourselves to the first person that comes along whether or not this is for our best interests. By not taking time to unload the sorrow and hurt that resides inside you repeat patterns of the past, and quite often because of the loneliness you feel you are not that fussy about who it is that finds you attractive, as long as someone does! Being alone for me has been a liberating experience, an intense journey of discovery, I have now shifted to the place of inner happiness and contentment, and I intend to become all that I am able to be, to fill all the voids that I would normally seek in a mate, because this time I want to find a person for the right reasons, not one for filling an aspect of myself that requires assistance. It is confronting indeed to find yourself becoming the sole provider, handy woman, cook and cleaner, but, it is also fulfilling to know that I am capable as all of us are of going it alone, sorting out the garbage within so that when I am healed I will attract someone as centred and independent as I will be. Baggage is something we all have, and it is not necessary to carry it with you from one person to the next. To ensure that you move forward uncluttered from the past you must work through and release the emotions stored within, it sounds difficult I know, but, actually it is not, all it takes is a willingness on your part to manifest yourself into a whole person, and to allocate your self TIME. Rushing into a new relationship is not the answer, often rebound relationships will not work, most often you find yourself in exactly the same situation, if not in a worse one because of of fear of being alone. Being alone is nothing to fear, because in essence we are never alone, surrounded by the company of God/The Universe wherever we are, the disconnection we feel is not because of the lack of physical companionship, it is because we are baulking at the inner work that needs to be done, we just shift the focus onto an easy solution, getting these things from someone else. Modern society has a way of making anyone alone feel like a leper, there is pressure all around to seek and bond with another,because if you don't then there is something wrong with you. Look at all the rubbish women's magazines print, how they continue to tell you how inadequate you are if you do not conform to what they tell you is 'normal.' And peer pressure is another aspect of modern life we have weighing us down, your friends and work colleagues telling you to get out there and find a new person, they are not bothered about the fact that you may not be ready, they just don't like you being unhappy and alone, hence many people end up right back where they started, desperate, confused and unhappy! How many people can honestly say that they are truly content in their relationships? How many are with someone because they were alone and needed someone, anyone to make them feel whole? How many would rather walk away and find a place of inner peace but lack the inner strength to do so? How many wish they had taken the time to wade through the emotional stuff before jumping in with the first person that showed interest in them, because this time it is much worse? Irrational behaviour comes out of desperation or the need to feel loved and attractive by another, trying to make a chance meeting become more than it is highlights this fact. The pressure society places on us makes it worse, but, not as much as the pressure we put our self under by thinking that we are a reject of society because for a moment in time we are on our own, we have to move past what others think, what society tells us to do, and look at what we are actually doing and what it is we actually want. Being alone is liberating, cleansing and freeing if you give yourself the time it takes to get to know who you are, I still have times where I am overcome with sadness, and yet I know that it is what is needed to move through to the next level, to emerge whole and balanced within, therefore I will eventually gravitate towards another who will be as I, settled with who he is and not a just comfort relationship that will fill the emptiness within. Doing the time alone is an investment worth sticking with if wish to transcend the chains of the past.....................

3 comments:

Jaky Astik said...

Of course. When you are alone, you take yourself out of the behaviors of normal humanity. It gets to your spirits :)

Natural Moments said...

This was beautifully written Gemel. When we begin to feel the stimulation from within where chords are struck and we are finally truly there to listen to the music that is being played, we then realize, that we will never ever be alone again. If anything, we were more alone then when we had co-dependent relationships.

Nancy said...

This is so true. We are so afraid of solitude, but if we go into the solitude, we realize we have nothing to fear. We came into this world alone and we will leave it alone. Coming to terms with solitude is essential to wellbeing. We will all be alone at some point in our lives. How much better to be with someone who is whole, who has come to terms with aloneness, and now has the capacity to give with arms wide open. It takes time. Time to work through the layers, just as you said.