My First Evening...............

My first evening presented me with a mixture of emotions, firstly I was a little nervous as I got ready for dinner. As I was dressing I was talking to myself, telling myself that I would be fine, that this first dinner alone would be the worst, calm down I told myself you will be okay.

After the ten minute walk to the main bar from my private bure, I settled down with a glass of champagne, attempting to appear relaxed and comfortable with my own company.

As I strolled down the walkway I held my head high, shoulders back and a smile on my face, I knew that if I looked confident, then confident would be what I would be!

It seemed to have worked as while I was sitting here I did actually feel confident.

Actually, sitting there alone was not that bad, the staff were extremely friendly and all lingered at my table when passing, bless them, maybe they saw the terror in my eyes!

As I relaxed into myself I realized what a step it was that I had taken, here I was, completely alone, and, after the initial shock at having to do the eating alone thing, I actually had to smile to myself as it was not half as bad as I had expected.

Sure, everybody stared at me when I walked in, and none of them seemed to enthusiastic at commencing a conversation, but it did not matter. I really was enjoying my own company and watching the antics of those around me, in fact, I felt free of judgements both of myself and of others, I was simply sitting there being Gemel.

So with my feet up on the table I sat sat back and took a long deep breath and just savored the thrill of the moment, taking in every sound around me, and knowing that this moment would never be forgotten, as it was in this exact second that all fear dissolved and I felt myself expand into the new and vibrant essence of Gemel...............

I Have Arrived..............

I have arrived.

After a slow drive from the airport I was here, waiting for the ferry to come to collect me and take me to my island paradise.

As I stood here alone taking in the sights and smells, every new sound I felt full of joy. An inner satisfaction cascaded over me, I had done it, I was here.

On the ferry heading towards my island paradise I chatted away to the man steering the boat, something the former Gemel would not have been to comfortable doing. But this new Gemel, well, she is capable of anything.

Leaving the mainland behind was such a satisfying experience, as it is there that I left the old me behind..............

When Fiji..................

When Fiji first came into view I was utterly mesmerised, all of a sudden I felt exhilarated at what I was to encounter on my vacation.

As the islands became closer I felt a wave of excitement arouse me, the green was what I noticed first, vibrant and so incredibly alive. The green is what I miss the most about living in Perth, no longer do the summers hold the hues of shimmering green of an English summer, even in the winter it is still often dry, the foliage clinging to life wit sheer determination. But, here below me was a string of emerald islands, a feast for my eyes.

Mountains, volcano's, jungles, mangroves, it was all lying there below me, waiting for me, calling me, welcoming me...................

Enjoying The View................

Enjoying the view with a refreshing drink of water the last stretch of the plane journey zoomed by.

Lost in the sights below me, endless miles of clouds and ocean took me into a deep meditative state.

As Brisbane disappeared quickly from view I felt myself lifted spiritually, Australia seems to have a weighty hold on me, whenever I leave the shoreline behind me I feel an instant buoyancy.

Knowing that I am constricted by this negative vibration was one of the main reasons for this journey, time to look at my life my life, and where it is I find myself living.

There is nothing quite like being up in the air, flying towards another country, watching the earth below me, taking me to another place that holds the promise of new experiences and memories.

As I drew nearer to Fiji I was feeling calmer, already in the first part of this vacation I had been provided with an abundance of confidence within myself, to be fully myself, not hiding an aspect of me to please another.

I had spent my life wearing masks to please others, to fit roles that I never truly belonged in, which at different times in the past had lead me down a path of sickness and deep unhappiness which at times boarded on depression. As I sat here watching the world go by I realised that I no longer wear any masks, they are all gone, as are the scenarios that unsettled me so.

Spending this time with myself in the quiet confines of the aircraft had already taken me to the inner caverns within, freeing myself from the lingering hooks that had held me down for so long.

Now was the time to let go of all that is no longer required.

All that is no longer relevant in my life...................

Sitting Here.............

Sitting here deep in thought, attempting to figure out the workings of my new camera, passing the time until I could leave for the airport,

I was tired, stressed and nothing was more appealing to me at this moment than getting on the plane and heading to Fiji.

Not knowing what I would encounter, or how I would react was on my mind, but, not the main focus.

The main focus was rest, and lots of it!

Having time to myself, was what I wanted more than anything, no rushing, no schedule, just whatever it is I wish to do, to unwind and finally meet myself.

Actually I was confident at my ability to accept whatever this vacation had to offer me.

Little did I know that I would find for the first time in my life complete and utter peace.

Landing at Brisbane after having spent the entire flight from Perth blissfully sound asleep, I was totally relaxed when I woke, wondering how long it would be until we landed.

Then, as if to answer my silent question an announcement came advising the crew to prepare for landing, I was impressed.

First five hours done, only another nine to go!

On my excursion from Brisbane Domestic Airport to the International Terminal I met my first Fijian. We had been talking for around ten minutes before I knew this fact, we were both just heading to the train that would take us from one terminal to the other.

We really did hit it off, chatting non stop about all sorts to things, he was so friendly that I found mys self thinking, if all Fijian people are this friendly I am going to have an absolute ball.

During our stroll around the International Terminal I was taken with all these sculptures, at times I had to remember I was actually at an airport, with the sun streaming through the windows, it was as if I was just having breakfast with a friend in shopping mall, it was all a little surreal I must say, and a fantastic beginning to an incredible journey................

It All Started.......................

It all started with the traumatic trip to the cattery.

Once the cat carriers were out in plain view they all knew that something was imminent!

Spirit was the first to come to have a closer inspection.

Pixie ran for the protection of my wardrobe.

I am sure she thought that if she stayed here I would perhaps forget her. And bless Tamals wee heart, his little face was full of dread. The last time he went in one of these he came home with that awful lampshade on his head. So without any messing about I loaded them and off to the cattery we went. The journey there was a chorus of howling, Tamal actually got out and went running around the car, ending up on the dashboard, where, thankfully I was able to grab him and place him on my knee. Luckily I am able to drive with one hand! At their new home Spirit disappeared through the door into the other side of their room immediately, refusing to look at me. Pixie, bless her looked terrified, wondering what on earth was going on. And Tamal, he is always the one to break my heart, he just made eye contact and gave me that look. Are you leaving me? So as difficult as it was I kissed them and said goodbye, shutting the door and rushing to the car with a heavy heart and moist eyes............................

I Am About

I am about to leave the house, place my case into my car, lock the gates and drive to the airport, to head towards Fiji, where, I feel I will really find out who Gemel is.

The past months have been a time of great upheaval, of loss, of mourning, of new beginnings, new career, a complete new life.

I know that this is going to be a monumental step forward for me, one of great freedom and true liberation, a time where Gemel will be standing completely in her own power.

Coming back will be a new Gemel, one who I am certain will have many tales to share.

As I sit here and write I am finding the silence of my home unbearable, my babies gone, safe, but most certainly missed.

I know that to some the love I have for my cats is viewed shall I say as rather extreme, but, the loss I feel now is shattering, my home feels like a house, void of the love that normally bubbles over everyone who enters my home. My visitors this afternoon have all commented on the sadness that has taken its place.

So on this note I shall depart, to lands of sunshine and sand, where I will walk in one person and walk out another person entirely.................

Up Up And Away............

Up up and away in a Virgin Blue Plane.

I fly tonight.

Am I packed yet?

No!

Do I know what I taking yet?

No!

Am I bothered?

No!

Too laid back am I these days for stress to affect me.

My main priority this morning is taking my babies to the cattery :-( I am not looking forward to doing that, Spirit is rather annoyed this morning as I am not letting him out.

SO, he is wondering, what is going on!

After that I will do last minute bank and shopping stuff, and then home to pack......

This time tomorrow I will be nearing Fiji, where for 6 days I will be just relaxing, reading, swimming, yoga, meditation, sleeping, snorkeling, eating, having a massage or three, horse riding, jet skiing.....................

The Steam Rises..............

The steam rises filling the room with the aromas of the shower gel as I sooth the lather all over my body.

The quietness of my early morning shower awakens the me, slowly warming me into complete awareness.

Being in water is always a sensual experience for me, the feeling of warm water trickling over my body or laying in the comforting cocoon of a scented bath always arouses my senses.

I can loose myself completely overcome with the tactile happening, standing there, eyes closed, water running down my face, cascading over my entire body.

Relaxing.

Taking me to another place.

One of silence.

Where the pleasure of touch lingers gently arousing hidden passions to rise.

The warm embrace of the water becomes the invisible hug of another.

Standing in darkened surrender our energy entwines.

For a moment we are one.

The miles separating us evaporated.

As I stand encircled in intimacy...............

Treated Like A Queen.............

Treated like a queen was my gift today, and how spoilt I felt too.

A table laid so beautifully, the mood was one of simple elegance. The flowers were a gift to the three of us whom the lunch was prepared for. All we had to do was to sit, and to be pampered.

Having a meal cooked for me is a rare occurrence these days, such a simple gesture, yet to me such a lavish experience.

The soup was delightful, sweet potato and leek, with home made croutons.

Yummy.

And the dahl, roasted sweet potatoes and garlic bread was so scrumptious that I had to have seconds.

Well, a girl has to keep her strength up!

This Smells............

This smells delightful.

Cat grass, cat mint AND cat nip, yummy.

I really like this one though, it is sweet, soft, delicious.

Maybe I will try a bit of the mint too.

Nope, just LOVE this grass, it is the best..................

Are These For............

Are these for me?

They sure smell good.

Cat nip, wonder what that will taste like?

This one smells the best.

Think that I might taste this one first.

YUMMY, I love it.

So tasty that it brings a smile to my face....................

The Best Gifts..............

The best gifts are those hand picked with love.

From a garden nurtured with loving care..........

A Mystical Moment...............

A mystical moment that drew my attention as the evening sun sent alluring shadows dancing on the wall.

Captivated for moments of hushed wonder as the twinkling light caressed reality with its vision.

Golden and subtle, the illusion drew me into the realms of my imagination.

Taking me to the hushed retreat of my own creation.

Sitting, remembering the way of the heart.

The way that is paved with purity of thought, of forgiveness and of peace.

No regrets linger within my heart, I know that what has past, has past, and what is yet to be, is still to come.

I neither plan nor plot, I simply allow the unfolding of my story to write itself with clarity and with love.............

It Happens When.......

It happens when you least expect it.

Magic,

It is all around you.

It streams forth on rainbow sunbeams that shower me in the mellow evening sunlight.

The translucent shades of the early afternoon that shimmer into the alluring shades of evening light,

Captivating me,

Taking me to another realm.

Floating endlessly on the winds of time.

Drifting

Into the realms of forever..............