Thursday, March 22, 2007

This mornings writing

What have I allowed to happen to me? I lost my way, my dedication to my path; my soul’s journey has been lost! Gone is my dedication and passion to my Ascension, replacing it is an uncontrollable feeling of desperation at having made a 'wrong' decision and a constant beating up of myself, it is as if I AM preventing myself from achieving my goal, getting in my own way to prove my-self (ego mind) right that this life is not as I had thought all along, it is in fact hard, because that is what life is all about! Well sorry still here! Fighting my way back to health, fullness and Light, I refuse to be defeated by my ego mind, a mind that thrives upon heartache, dis-ease and negativity, I REFUSE!

In these past few weeks since my knee injury (my stopping if you like) I have been made or rather given the opportunity to ‘SEE’ what I have done to create this current life situation, and also to see a changing of my body to flow with the attitudes of the mind. I know that I have been beating myself up for a year and a half in regards to our move to Australia, I have not moved with life with ease at all, yet inwardly I know that this is part of my journey is important, relevant in my souls growth, a turning point, a beginning as well as an ending. The allergies I have been suffering with have subsided I can once again breathe through my nose, the congestion is releasing from my chest also, at the same time my knee is hampers my mobility! I AM returning to me, I AM seeing what I created, remembering my own rules to life, Thought creates your reality – I see what my thoughts of negativity and regret have created over many long months of sadness and longing, however I know that by seeing this and by knowing my role in their manifestation I AM on the way back, to myself, to fullness and to health. I feel that this time is extremely important to me, that the amount of still and peaceful time I have is so deeply required by my soul, to heal and to regenerate, preparing for the final stage, Home. I feel that peace, love, stillness, happiness and laughter are the keys to my well being, that I AM to fill my life with only people and circumstances that will see me achieve these feelings. Situations or people that provide any emotions other than those mentioned above will be avoided, released and moved away from. Doing this with the utmost love is vital, those whom I feel have served their purpose within my journey are not to be disliked, simply eased out with love, allowing new people in and new experiences to follow. I understand that my inner changes during this ‘growth’ period have been enormous, I know and feel this and even though there are times I have created that have been tough, they also have been very powerful and nurturing. Speaking to myself on this level is a gift to myself, it allows me to see what is occurring within me, and around me, giving me the ability to work from within to rectify what is out of sync without.

So deeply AM I dedicated to my soul’s journey that I feel my tests and struggles are being drawn out to eliminate all dis-harmony within my ego mind, after all this is the planet of free will! I do though still sense that because of my connection to the Family of Light, I AM often prevented also by forces who wish me to fail, who desire me to stay with the rest of humanity locked in a world of negativity and turmoil, this does not mean I feel possessed in anyway, simply often tested and resisted in many areas of my life. I have spoken to others working on their earthly ascension and they report the same, the closer you get the more resistance felt, blocks in your path, hampering your progress, wanting you to give up and return to ‘robotsville’ with the rest of the sleeping souls who follow the humdrum rhythm of life, expecting the expected, allowing the body, mind and spirit to shut down and admit defeat, allowing the death of their body and mind to take over their being, even before physical death. That is not for me, whether I am wrong or right about my assumptions and theories on life is irrelevant, I AM standing firm upon my path, I shall fight until the end – or beginning, depending on how one sees it, knowing that my intuition was right all along, that there is more to me than this one segment of reality, there are many more facets to my being, to my soul, this is only one sparkle in the diamond, many others shimmer elsewhere in time and space.

Reflection and stillness I feel are the tools requires to attain my prize, I feel that the more stillness I have the more I crave, release the past, heed my own advice, express love and acknowledgement for the NOW the complete freshness of every new day, each moment as it offers its purity and new memories with each second passing. No moment is the same as the last; each is unique and so vital for producing the story of my life, to unfold in love and serenity, each moment I make the conscious decision to either be aware of the control I possess in manifesting my reality or not, giving my power back to the ego mind, to keep me imprisoned in a brainwashed society, I know which I choose. Freedom, and the ability to transcend all that suppresses me, I understand now it was not designed to be an easy road, if it was then the growth that the soul would experience at the end would not be as monumental.

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