Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Process Of Change.................

 The process of change has taken over my life since moving to my magic cottage in the hills of Western Australia, I did not know it at the time but this move was to change my life in more than one way.
I was not just changing from city to country, I was about to discover that I was also changing from one Gemel into another.
 A week or so before moving to the hills I discover for the first time in my life my birth mother.
Not only her name, but that she was an indigenous Australian, which presented me with the fact that everything I knew about myself up until that moment was based on lies.
In the many months that I have been up here nestled in the nurturing embrace of nature I have been walking a very different story, one that has been extremely emotional as I delve deeper into the secrets of the past.
I have stumbled along in life never having a sense of self, never having any roots, moving constantly from one place to another in search of finding somewhere that I truly did belong.
Now I realise why this was so, I was without family roots as I needed to know where I belonged. The strange thing is, that after a life time of running all over the planet in search of happiness, with this one piece of information I seem to have found my home in my quirky little cottage snuggled in the hills, 
 When I moved to this property it reflected me in so many ways.
Abandoned, unloved, a place of sorrow.
No gardens, and inside let go to such a degree the place was like a hovel.
As time moves forward I now look at the changes within my tiny little home and see that as I created a new and vibrant space to live in, so to did I create deeply profound changes in my own life.
Discovering that I had six siblings came as a shock as well, I am now on the hunt to reconnect with my six brothers, as sadly my mother has passed.
Having a white picket fence and rose garden kind of view of how my brothers would receive me sadly has not thus far been how they have taken the news.
The oldest went from being thrilled to have his sister show up to changing his tune and shutting the door, just what I needed, more rejection.
The youngest brother is coming around slowly and the other four remain to be located.
This in itself would have been enough to contend with, on top of this I am having to come to terms with the indigenous genes I possess.
With my naturally olive skin I was always told that my mother was of European descent, of which country my adoptive mother could never decided. Having lived with the racial hatred of my adoptive parents it is now easy to see why they would not tell me the truth. And as I digest all this information I also wonder why on earth they would have taken on an indigenous baby in the first place, but this of course then makes sense of the abuse they unleashed upon me for many long and painful years.
I now have reached a point in my journey where I feel I don't belong anywhere again, as I don't truly belong in either world, yet each day when I return home to my cottage I nestle into her loving embrace and she seems to know the way to settle my heart.
I have seen the reactions of many people who were in my life at the news that I have indigenous blood.
Some have step into the background and disappeared altogether, others stand a safe distance away not quite the same as they were, and others are here in the front row for this continuing unfolding journey of mine supportive and excited to find out what happens next.
Today I have woken with yet another unexpected hurdle to attend to, and funnily enough with this situation looming overhead I felt it was time to reconnect with my journal keeping and begin once again to let my words flow. To find once again my creative inner strength and courage and to believe in my power to manifest all that I require to walk this earthly journey of mine in peace and love........

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