A couple of nights ago I opened my normally secluded home to three special people as way of giving thanks for the part they have played in my transformation to complete healing.
A simple act of sharing food and conversation came from my deep gratitude to all of them.
The light of their love has altered my earthly journey in such a deep and powerful way.
Preparing my humble space was done with great joy.
Setting my table for others to share a meal is not something I do often.
My love of candlelight added softness to the enchanting energy that entered my home, preparing for an evening of sharing, my home like I radiated a mellow welcoming vibration.
Having resided in self inflicted isolation during the dis-easement that violated my being I was content to wallow in the pits of self segregation, the deeper the dis-easement took hold the further I retreated.
I longed for company yet I pushed it away allowing the murky grip of pain to take over all aspects of my life.
Having stepped out of this marsh of unworthiness and into the strength of health I have now found my earthly kin.
People who truly see who I really am.
All my life I had felt that I did not fit in.
That I was on the wrong planet.
I just wanted to go home, to be away from this place of pain and suffering.
This has now all changed.
And there will be no turning back.
The commitment to my healing has lead me to where I needed to be, to those who would truly assist in heaving me out of the doom that held me captive.
They take no credit for the part they played, instead they remind me of my own power, the vow I made to myself to walk head on into the pain and beat it with nothing but herbs and love.
As I heal I am seeing a new person emerge.
A person I did not know I was.
In the last week I have had many moments of amazement as I feel safe enough to be the me that I was destined to be, as my confidence grows I am unfolding, layers upon layers are slipping away drifting off into the ether, taking with them any residue of the past.
My journey has not stopped yet, the call to continue to move deeper into the purity of complete health is a life long quest.
One that will never cease whilst there is still air in my lungs.
One that still has much more murk to move.
One that I open to fully allowing my shimmering light to shine ever brighter as one day turns into the next.
As I rose the next morning and walked into the kitchen and viewed the remnants of the night before I smiled and sank into a chair and sat, still feeling the energy of the evening present at the table.
Sitting in silence I acknowledge the magic of life and of these precious people who have entered my world.
I felt as if my entire story had been constructed to be sitting here in full awareness of this moment.
It felt like everything I had been through was designed to lead me to them.
All the pain and suffering was an important part of my earthly play and if I had of chosen one thing differently then I would not have been sitting where I found myself sitting that morning.
Letting go of fears, of seeing any outcomes at all is empowering, for in giving myself totally to the magical wisdom of the Universe I have set myself free.......
Having rescued this little feline treasure from death row sometime ago I have had validation that our animal kin know what awaits them in the gloomy situations that face them.
I find it difficult walking into these bleak places, yet when the call comes to venture into them I know that there is a valid reason for my appearance.
This little man was bedraggled and scrawny, only days away from the dreaded needle that would have ended his earthly life, yet the moment I saw him we both knew the reason I had walked in to the shelter that day.
An instant connection had been made and his life spared.
He now has a full and happy life in pampered luxury.
I don't get to see him much anymore, however whenever I walk through the door he runs straight to me and jumps up, gazing into my eyes and purring away, he knows that I saved his life.
I have a great deal of sorrow for all the animals that are abandoned and given up once the novelty of pet ownership wears thin, if I could save them all I surely would, as my beloved Blossom, Spirit, Pixie and Tarmal all were saved from the doom of death, the universe directs me to those who need me, offering them all a life of safety.
Making a difference in this world is done through simple acts from the heart, of opening myself to offer acts of love in subtle and quiet ways, without monetary gain or public recognition..........
Learning to trust the flow of the Universe leads me down a path of peaceful acceptance in all situations.
On Friday afternoon I had the inkling that I was going to have an issue with my trusty steed as on setting off for a friends the car struggled to start.
Driving along the car seemed fine for awhile, yet at times it spluttered occasionally as if struggling for air. Stopping halfway to say hello to my son, it took a longer time to start, something was definitely going on within its workings.
Not buying into the idea of a major problem I journeyed on, and when it came to start the car on Saturday morning I was greeted with silence.
I was not going anywhere in a hurry.
Rescued by the assistance of a jump start I set off in confidence that I would make it home, which I did.
On arriving home though, I attempted to restart the car again but nothing happened.
Sunday morning I tried again, and was met with the same silence, calling a friend to assist me we found that his car could not help as the battery was covered with a steel covering which denied access, then suddenly a car appears at the end of the road, as if by magic assistance arrived. Once again a jump start was attempted, but again nothing happened.
Normally I would have gone into a mini meltdown as the thoughts of major problems were offered by those assisting me, but I just accepted the situation and somehow knew that the problem was minor, and that all would be okay.
When the mechanic arrived yesterday he went straight to the source, the fuel filter had worked itself loose, a simple fix and no charge for his service.
Flowing with what is given to me has become a way of dealing with all that manifests in my world, knowing that for whatever reason I am stopped or delayed in my travels it is for my own good that I am prevented from going somewhere.
Taking the stress out of situations beyond my control allows me to see the wisdom of the Universe in it's entirety, worrying about it does nothing except raise negativity within the body vessel, flowing is the only way........
If someone had of told me ten weeks ago that I would suddenly be propelled into a healing so deep that all aspects of life would be transformed, I would have disagreed with them completely, as the possibility to step out of the unhappiness that encircled me seemed impossible. So weighed down with living this human existence was I that I had all but given up, I was trapped in a self induced state of suffering and pain. Locked into the turmoil of living in the past, reliving over and over again the mistakes and hurt that had continued to hamper my earthly journey. I struggled endlessly to make sense of this realm, and had shut myself off from the world as I attempted to make it through each day, repeating patterns and behaviours that did nothing but serve the darkness trapped within, taking me deeper into the marsh of darkness.
I have always known that thoughts are things, that every word thought and deed we have births our waking reality, yet still I trudged along with my burden of despair as it fought to take complete control of my life.
Then suddenly it all changed.
I felt the call within to heal, to move out of the mire of depression and dis-easement that had all but crippled my body, snuffing out my light, and dragging me into the depths of dimness that overwhelmed me so.
As I sit here now gazing back to the near past I can see the how the wonderful magic of synchronicity wound its invisible tentacles around me leading towards those who would assist me reclaiming peace and healing in all areas of my life.
Choosing to walk the natural path to healing has taken courage, for I opted to forgo the quick fix of mainstream medicine, instead I gave myself fully to the healing power of plant medicine choosing not to mask the symptoms by taking prescription medications that would stop the pain, instead I surrendered to the pain, feeling the pain that resided within acknowledging it's presence and allowing myself to feel it in its completeness, it was confronting and at times harrowing but I had chosen my path and I committed to my decision of complete and full healing the natural way.
Attempting to explain the changes I feel is futile, as the intensity of my bodies mending is astounding.
I like millions of others had begun to think that others or situations where responsible for my plight, believing that I had no way out, that life was nothing but heartache and suffering, I had bowed to the ego and the mindless babbling within allowing it to fester and near end my human story.
I had forgotten my truth.
And my power to heal.
As the mystery of mending has entered my life everything has changed, and the time has come for me to walk my story in honesty to myself first and foremost, to know that I am responsible for all that manifests within my body and my world.
I am shedding on so many levels, shifting into the way of my heart. Knowing that what lies ahead is written in the joyous vibration of unconditional love, the further I delve into the alchemy of true healing, the more I open to my own wondrous light.
I do not view the struggles I endured as wasted time, for without each and every situation that created the volcano of emotions to reside within lead me to the place I needed to be, such gratitude I have for each and every person who has joined my life story, for without them and their participation I would not have found my way home.
Home is not a place, home is within my heart, and as I continue to shed the layers within, I am molting on the outside too.
Physically I am changing, I listen to the contented hum of my body, taking it's advice on what dietary changes are needed to deepen my healing path, culling acquaintances and out dated stories that no longer serve me, drama of any sort is retreating for I no longer dance to the unsettling rhythm of its meddling beat. Instead I have attracted harmony and love, and most importantly I have found where I truly belong, nestled in the warming embrace of my beloved Gaia and my earthly kin who truly see my light and allow me to shine..........