Monday, March 15, 2010

This Morning....................

This morning as I walked along the beach it was made apparent to me that I have something to share, a piece of my life that has be held within my heart.
A few weeks ago saw the ending of the most remarkable chapter of my journey thus far, I shared twelve weeks of pure love with a person who on his departure left me frail and devastated.
That is until this mornings revelation....
When I met this man it was apparent to us in the first moment when our eyes met that we had a soul connection, no words were needed, we communicated with our knowing.
Out of nowhere he appeared, and into the shadows of yesterday has he gone, but within me he lingers, always, until the end of this lifetime.
I am even beginning to believe that he wasn't even real, that he was in fact a apparition of our divine father himself. His energy was pure, his love incredible, I honestly could not find words to explain the depth of our joining, it took me to a new level of being.
I realise now that I was given a glimpse into what real love is, to see that when the right person appears within your life you know in an instant, there is no requirement for building a relationship or discussing a future, for it is in that first second you meet you both know it is real.
My time with him was too brief, yet, what I experienced was utterly amazing. When we first made love we were sat facing each other on different sides of a room, we never touched physically, yet, within I felt euphoria like I would never have thought possible, a sexual encounter so intense it prompted an awakening of my senses. In all my studies and my dedication to my search of Oneness I had finally found it, felt the divine with such intensity that all other romantic encounters seemed insignificant in comparison, nothing comes close. I now know that there are others capable of loving in an awakened way, they like me know that without the joining of the soul the physical act of love is empty, it is only a physical release.
He showed me what real life is like, love not dependent on need or control, we simply were together, with an intimacy so gentle and loving that it sill has the ability to move me to tears. Somehow I sensed that he was here to teach, that our time together would be brief, to show me that what I seek is true, there are others on the planet with the ability to connect with me on a soul level, if only for one moment in time.
His departure left me feeling depleted and alone, I began to slip once again into the dark world of the ordinary, the world of sleep walkers who can not reach the center of my heart as it lay mourning for the loss it suffered from such a tender encounter.
Yet as I walked this morning I became aware of the gift that I had been given, that I do not need to mourn a day longer.
In the months of my separation I have been offered many pathways to take, all thankfully I have refused. A week after I left my husband an old acquaintance popped on the scene, he offered a luxury car, sporty motor bike, a house on the banks of the river and all the money that I could spend in return for him.
I remembered thinking what is it I have been asking for?
The answer was nothing, it was a test given to show me how much I had grown, I did not require material temptation to allure me into a relationship, I have transcend such a need to feel loved.
As I prepare for my holiday I realise how far it is I have come, and what strength it is I have inside. To talk about going away for a holiday alone is one thing I know, to do it is quiet another thing entirely. I will not be taking along a friend for company, nor will I have someone waiting at the other end offering me respite from the time alone. I will be confronting my self, overcoming all boundaries that I have placed upon myself, I will be in a new country surrounded by strangers with no one to fall back on, what better place could I find to get to know who I really am.
I know that I felt the Universe had dealt me a raw deal a few weeks ago when my lover left, but, I now see that what he gave me was a template for the future.
I do not need another in my life to prove that I am lovable, as I love myself. I have moved to a place that few reach, one of acceptance of the self for who I am, therefore I do not need anyone else to fill the empty place within my heart. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster for me as I adjusted to life alone again, but now I see with clarity the wonderful and life changing gift I was actually given................

4 comments:

Jaky Astik said...

Nothing to comment for today.

Natalie said...

After I left my husband, I had a similar experience that lasted 7 months. I still shake my head about it.
When it ended, I was beyond devastated, I ended up with severe depression which lasted two and a half years. I thought that the universe has forsaken me, to take away he only 'True' love, I had ever experienced. Not ever with any person, had I felt what love was....not even parents.

After a time, I came to a similar realisation as you, Gemel, that to be whole, I had to love myself as I had loved him.
Within 2 weeks my soulmate made first contact, within fourweeks we were together, and since then,we have not spent more than a few hours apart since. In hindsight, I realised that the first soul love, was indeed a template, and that in reality, the second soul love was THE ONE because he stayed.Not only that, but he recognised immediately what was going on, and his role in our journey, even though he had no previous 'spiritual' experience.
I can only cheer you on, send a hug, and wish you well.♥

luksky said...

Very moving post...I don't even have the words to express an appropriate comment.

Peaches said...

Big step forward...just in time for the trip, too...and thanks for sharing...it did me good.