Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Today I Awoke.............

Today I awoke to view myself from above, sleeping silently, resting from the denseness of the world. I had retreated into myself. Why? Of that I am not sure, questioning perhaps the challenges that had manifested in my recent yesterdays. I had been drawn into the dynamics of story lines of the life plays that are currently playing around me, thus my energies had become flattened, drained, all but snuffed out. I saw it coming and still I did not stop to retrace my steps to the safety of my internal wisdom, for some reason it was necessary to embark on a period of soul shutdown, perhaps to highlight to me the rhythm-less life that I had left behind so very long ago.... Life is like that sometimes, for real growth to happen often we need to feel the oppression of our woes weighing us down, pushing us deeper into the impenetrable province of humanity as it slumbers its way towards self destruction. Being surrounded by those who do not understand my mind, my insights, my life; has seen me stagger onward leaving traces of myself the more I dawdled closer to loosing myself completely in the numb world of the normal. I know that I do not need a doctor to heal me, that I am capable of doing myself, yet here I am, failing to be me. Why? What is it that is stopping me? What part of myself fights for self surrender? What part of me wants to cause such anguish? I am my creator, my healer, my story writer, I have dragged myself from the brink of devastation before, yet this time it is like my light is going out, growing dimmer as the shadows of twilight threaten to darken my soul, pulling me deeper into a place of sorrow, empty, hollow. Perhaps this vision was my wake up call, the skills I require are hidden within, fighting the cloak that encases them as they wrestle their way to my heart, to illuminate once again the glory of my unique and cherished soul...................

2 comments:

Mel said...

without this vision of the Dark, we cannot appreciate the Light -- it's all part of the balancing act we must tread....

...wishing you strength and rejuvenation....

Ronda Laveen said...

Often, the light of our soul shows us the dust and the cobwebs so that we know where to clean. Very pleased to hear that Blossom is thriving again!