Monday, August 18, 2008

Of late of have been forgetting my connections with the Universe, I don't beat myself up over my minor lapses though, I know that it is all part of my journey, with its highs and lows it makes my story come to life, working out all the little hiccups as I stride forward towards understanding myself. I know that loosing my dear friend has played a part in my recent melancholy, I have retreated deeper into myself than normal, irritated at life, and its uncertainty, especially seeing that only days before receiving the tragic news I was contemplating how fortunate my life was, that I had not lost anyone close to me.......... These thoughts have haunted me since, how wounding the Universe seemed to me at this time. I wonder what it was that pushed my friend to such measures to ensure her peace, what plagued her so that death was the final answer, that she found now hope to inspire her, no love or support in her friendships close enough to console her. Life is a fragile performance, at any given moment the balance may change, presenting us with a situation that we would much rather have done without. Yet, all these moments that entwine themselves to become our life are interwoven with such precision and skill that we will always receive the boon that will enhance our growth, even if we do not see this at the time. As I look around myself to those that surround me, family, friends, work colleagues, shop assistants, everyone I see or deal with on any given day, I find myself pondering their journeys, what are they really going through, how do they feel about themselves and their life, I mean really feel. We all have the faces that we wear, my friends face was so convincing that no one apart from me knew of her sheer desperation, she played her part well, covering her heartbreaking unhappiness from all that encountered her. How well do we really know anyone, most of us don't even truly know ourselves, we hide parts of ourselves we don't wish to deal with, we off load other parts to people we share our journey with pretending that it is their fault we are the way we are, yet in the harsh face of reality we must face the parts of us that hurt, the parts of us that are in need of healing, the parts of us we don't like, the parts of us 'someone' else created, working through the layers of guilt and self loathing to unleash the acceptance we seek, knowing that to find peace with the self is the only true way to find peace with the world.

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